Skip to main content

Do Amish and Mennonite girls get to pick their husbands?

 I grew up in a plain hybrid Amish/Mennonite community in Michigan that was part of a larger church in Pennsylvania called Charity Christian Fellowship. People did not date in these plain religious communities. Instead, they did something called courtship or courting.   My first personal interaction with this process was when my favorite big brother decided to marry when I was seven years old. The first thing he did was go to our Father and ask what he thought about the young lady from the church he’d been praying about getting to know better.  Our father gave his blessing and went to go visit the young lady’s father to inquire if he was open to marrying his daughter to my brother. Her father gave his blessing and said he’d ask her if she was open to entering a courtship with my brother with the goal of marriage within 6 months.  She said YES when her father asked and their courtship officially began.  My brother and now dear sister-in-law were made for each other across time and desti
Post a Comment

How are Amish and Plain Community Children Disciplined?

Amish children and those raised in Mennonite and plain communities have a lot of rules to follow and high expectations. For example, a 4-year-old is expected to sit quietly through a 2 to 3-hour church service without fussing or entertainment. If the child is wiggling or starts being disruptive one of the parents will take them out for a spanking. This will repeat without deviation until the child stops being a child and sits perfectly still for the duration of the long Sunday services. 

These spankings would be with a 2" by 1" wooden 3 foot rod or larger depending on the day. Some days I was struck with thick pointy tree branches, or a toilet-bowl brush, or wire hanger. 

Corporal punishment is not only the golden standard for child raising in these communities but is viewed as a command from God. They interpret Proverbs 23: 13 - 14 literally "Do not with- hold discipline from your son; if you beat him with a rod, he will not die".  

It was a common experience growing up to have one of my parents sit on my upper body so they could hold down my legs with one hand and spank my bum with a paddle in the other hand. These spankings would be lengthy and not stop until I apologized, which was difficult to do in the context of the innate realization of right and wrong installed in every human being at birth. What was happening was wrong and I knew it with every part of my being. Despite later starting to quiet my voice in favor of peace as I grew older and wearier in my teenage years. 

There were also benefits to the hardships experienced growing up. I was raised to be strong. I am forever grateful that my parents tried to teach me to have self-restraint and work hard. These are things that have made me the person who I am today. Life and families are complicated. One might think after all these bad things that one would hold on to the black and white worldview taught during childhood and throw the proverbial baby out with the bathwater. However, that is not the case. People change! This is something so incredible and I know within the depth of my heart it is true. 

Yes, there were bad things in my childhood and the Amish and plain way of raising children is abusive without a doubt and has left lasting psychological impacts. But, I also have the rare privilege of knowing that people change and that lends such a brightness. My parents are no longer part of the Amish/Mennonite hybrid called Charity Christian Fellowship and went to counseling and addressed bad things that happened. These is two sides of a coin and despite any circumstances with a heart for learning darkness can be turned to hope and progress

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Do Amish women and children have rights?

The term "Amish" is frequently used as a cute branding tool for rural areas and groceries ranging from chicken to baked goods. I grew up in one of these “plain” religious communities. Women and children were treated horrifically. As such, it is hard to see depictions in the media or newspapers that romanticize the “Amish” culture and ways. Below is a letter recently written to the editor of the local paper in response to featuring a section romanticizing the Amish for clickbait.   To Whom It May Concern,  I love reading the news and greatly appreciate the service you provide our local community. I was surprised, however, one day to see a Lifestyle Section titled “Amish Kitchen” as a regularly featured column on your social media pages. I found this greatly troubling. I grew up in a hybrid Amish/Mennonite Community in Copemish called Charity Christian Fellowship and knew many people who I frequently interacted with from Amish, Mennonite, and other communities.  These were not
Post a Comment
Read more

What is it like to grow up Amish?

  I grew up in a religious community similar to the Amish and Mennonite communities called “Charity”. This name came from the main church located in Pennsylvania called Charity Christian Fellowship. Our church was located in Michigan and called Marilla Christian Fellowship.     I'm the one wearing brown in the center Church members had no contact with the outside world and kept members isolated.  Men were the head of the church and the home with women being homemakers and having children. Inside this world, there was no such thing as science or musical instruments. The police were only a vague group described as evil people who served Satan and would hurt us if they came in contact. I first learned that there were people in this world who didn't believe in beating women and children at a doctor's office by chance due to having serious health issues. I used the laddies' room alone and saw a poster depicting domestic violence with big Xs.  I now work in forensic psycholo
Post a Comment
Read more